DEAR MAMA

The Almost Moon 

My mom raised me with love. She raised me to be respectful, honest, and humble. She always gave me warnings, "everybody ain't your friend" and my personal favorite, "keep your head in them books and not on them boys." 

Almost Moon by Alice Sebold is a riveting peek into the mother and daughter relationship dynamic of a middle class family. I actually started this book 3 years ago. I read the first 3 chapters and misplaced this book until recently. When I rediscovered this book I jumped right back in and finished it in two months. The main character of this story gives a vivid description of her relationship with her mother. As the story progresses and she reveals the true nature of their relationship it becomes clear that her mother isn't the picture perfect person we often expect our mom's to be. 

Learning to love your mother despite her flaws and beyond proves to be a lot more difficult then the main character intended. I loved the ways this story unfolded. It is sure to capture you, the more you read the more you will want to know how it ends. I can't give too much away without spoiling the book of course, but just know this author is mysterious, she gives invites you into the main characters world and puts you directly in her shoes.

Here is my favorite quote from the book, "The moon is whole all the time but we can't always see it. What we see is an almost moon or a not quite moon. The rest is hiding just out of view, but there is only one moon so we follow it in the sky. We plan our lives based on it's rhythm and tides... I knew I was supposed to understand something from my father's explanation, but what I came away with was that just as were stuck with the moon so too we were stuck with my mother."

My mom always meant well, but I didn't want to be like her words and warnings, I wanted to be like her. I admired her feistiness and the way she dressed. Her attitude, her laugh and her frown became apart of me. It was her rhythm and ways that helped me learn who I was in the world, she was and still is my moon. I still look for her in the dark, her light will always shine for me.

Moons and Mothers <3

"Keep your head in the books"

I need a Souljah!

 Life After Death

Have you ever wandered what heaven or hell is like?

Have you ever read a book and been so frustrated with confusion that you want to stop but you keep going cause there has to be a point, you know this author, there has to be a plot twist? LOL. 

I laugh but kept reading. I finally found that plot twist I needed. Let me just say if you haven't read this book, trust Sistah Souljah to do her thing, she's coming. 

What did I learn from this book you might ask? I learned alot more about Winter Santiaga and her evolution as a woman. I learned that certain things happen in life to open up our eyes and our minds. I learned to trust GOD  love myself and honor myself. It was worth it in the end and I loved how the story came together. 

What I enjoyed most about this book was that it was from the black perspective. The words and ways of Winter Santiaga are always entertaining and enlightening at the same time. Her character reminds me of that one family member who we love to hear speak about the facts of life and love. She always knows exactly what kind of man to choose, rich, powerful, a souljah! LOL. Winter gives us life and it's fun to watch her evolution. I also loved that it touched on some black issues like mental health and abortion.

Overall I'd give this book 4/5 stars. Even though I was confused in the beginning, I realized why in the end and it was great. Sistah Souljah is a genius and I can't wait to read more from her collection.

*** KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE BOOKS**

 

Its a Photo Shoot !

 

When I turned 30 I wanted to do something phenomenal to capture my life and these moments where I am finding myself and designing my world. So I started posing for the frame and having photo shoots...

In this photo shoot I was 31. I was 7 years in to my social work career and thriving. I moved into my 1st "luxury" apartment and I felt luxurious. I began cycling and working out consistently as I was very concerned about my weight and staying healthy. I learned the importance of choosing healthy relationships during this time. Even though my life was thriving I was in a very unsupportive relationship which led me into depression. To be honest I have always had trouble in the love department but I have always been grateful for the lesson of each relationship. 

The relationship I was in during this time taught me to value myself. It gave me the opportunity to finally look back over my life and realize how hard I had worked to get there. I began to pour more love into myself as I realized I might be the only one who ever would and I also learned to be ok with that. "31 summers" that's what I named this photo shoot. It took me 31 summers to learn how to love me.

Fast Forward to age 36. I am now 12 years into my career as a social worker, working on starting a business, and focused on becoming financially free. I am still single and happy. I have accepted who I am and I love where my life is headed. I still battle with depression and I am always mindful of my wellness, peace of mind, and surrounding myself with positive energy. The pandemic of 2020 disrupted my healing journey and honestly put me back into survival mode. I don't work out consistently or eat as well as I did in my early 30's. After the pandemic, I lost my mojo and here in these photos I am working on getting it back. I call this photoshoot "Pink it up". I decided to where pink for my 36th birthday photo shoot, to remind myself a woman can do anything and also look fun and flirty. I took this photo shoot in Chicago with IAMAPRILMAE photography. We played music, laughed about relationships and the joys of having children, and we celebrated each other as women. I was reminded that even though I wasn't where I wanted to be on my journey I could still get back to thriving instead of surviving. 

Flirty 30 and Thriving 

7 months after I turned 36 on 2/22/2022 I shaved all my hair off. I asked God for a fresh start and he gave me this vision. I was thinking about starting a YouTube channel before the pandemic but I put in on hold. After I shaved my hair I had another vision to share my growth journey with everyone on YouTube.

Shaving my hair off helped me face my depression. It has given me the confidence to move on from the things that have hurt me in my past. Like the hair I shaved off, I have let the past go. I call this photo shoot "Bald and Beautiful". Growing up I loved sneaking into my room and watching "Young and the Restless". I always pretended I was one of the characters and I had rich people problems lol. I loved how over the top fabulous the women were and how polished the men were. When I began piecing together how I would celebrate my hair cut I thought of capturing it dramatically like one of the rich women I used to admire on that show. 

Diamonds, pearls, nails, and skin. I am giving "Victor Newman's Mistress" honey. Nikki Newman better watch out. LOL

Overall this photo shoot and each one before it helped me learn a little more about myself and life. I am forever grateful for this life and these 30's. I promised myself that from this point on I would live life unapologetically and for me.

***Celebrate Yourself. Have a Photo Shoot***

Check out my YouTube Channel: TTShavedItAllOff for my behind the scenes video of my "Bald and Beautiful" photo shoot.

All my LIFE I had to FIGHT!

 What Happened to You?

By Dr. Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey

Get ready to be blown away, reopen and heal some wounds, laugh, cry, and simply be amazed at this masterpiece. This gem is not a light read. It is heavy and you will need a pen, note pad, and a box of kleenex. I started this book July 2021 and let me tell you it took me down for the rest of 2021. One chapter took me 3 months to process, 3 whole months of staring at myself in the mirror and crying. 

I know you're wondering, why read a book that makes you sad? Why would you reopen wounds? Why look back when you can move forward? Reading this was very emotional for me but it took me a few steps closer to my TRUTH, and for that it is a work of art. It has helped me face my reality in a very honest way. I feel as though revisiting my past for a few months made my future very clear. I will not tell you to read this if you are looking for a quick fix or a miracle in your life but READ THIS if you are dedicated to doing the work of healing and becoming a better you.

So, what happened to you? Were you abused as a child, did you experience trauma growing up, or did you grow up in a non loving, non nurturing environment? Whatever happened to you molded you in some way and most of us never take the time to process who we are. Reading this book is like sitting front row in your own movie about your life and dissecting the pieces that made you who you are.

My favorite gems from this book are the diagrams and small test throughout the book. It really made me feel like I was apart of Dr. Perry's research team. He is so insightful and the way he is able to break down how the brain works and how we process trauma is brillant. It took me months to process some of the truths I learned from this book because the test were so accurate and undeniable. 

The end of this book amazed me because not only did it break me down, it built me back up. It switched from "what happened to you?", then to, "how to heal from what happened to you". Oprah came through with some enlightenment in that special way that she does and it sealed the deal, I was inspired. 

After reading this book I feel like my "self help" genre of books is on pause for a while. I'm ready to read light, lol. There is nothing wrong with seeking self help, self improvement, or healing but for me apart of my journey is learning to have fun again. I learned from this book that it is ok to get out of your head and just live! I have spent the last 5 years of my life dedicated to self improvement and figuring out how to live a drama free, intentional, and have a peaceful life. I am finally in a good space! [PRAISE BREAK] I finished this book in January and started 2022 ready to make best of the rest of my life.

I did it y'all ...I shaved it all off and I am sharing my hair story

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgT4q7fvIwTFS_GetusmfXw

*subscribe to my new YOUTUBE channel... TTShavedItAllOff*

*KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE BOOKS*

And Still I Rise...

 A Concrete Rose

Reading this book was nostalgic and heart felt, a real black story. It took me back to the hood in the 90's. I was just a kid then but I remember the black man's struggle between the streets and getting an education. I watched many men in my family fall victim to the systems never meant to protect them.  I felt the familiar sting of poverty and limited choices, it's such an eye-opener. This book is the perfect rendition of a black family dealing with street life, systems of oppression, teen pregnancy, violence, grief, and love in the 90's.  

This is my first time reading this author, Angie Thomas. I have seen the movie, The Hate U Give, which is based on a novel she also wrote. Her stories seem to give you the real black experience, a real Concrete Rose. Not just how pretty it looks in the end but the entire process. Her way of telling a story will capture you until the end. 

I started to think about all the concrete roses I've met in my life. I think they all have overcame something big to get here...

KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE BOOKS *